Skip to main content

Shaken, Not Stirred

After this week's slightly jolting event I realized that I would probably be one of those schmucks who dies first in a disaster movie.

Shortly before lunchtime on Tuesday, while trying to manage my inbox which had been flooded with Hot in Hollywood emails and blog requests, my chair started to move on its rollers, and then it was my desk. Last time I checked, I hadn't had a shot of tequila since breakfast, so either I was still drunk or...ah yes, I live in California.

My coworker, a SoCal native, immediately dropped her phone and ducked under her desk. Our bosses ran to the doorways of their respective offices as if they were being choreographed in some unsettling musical number.

Our cement floors were frickin' moving. Major whoa.

And me? I stayed in my seat watching it all unfold, a huge bullseye painted on my skull for any falling slab of concrete or splintery wooden beam. For a few seconds I was unintentionally playing with fate. My mom would have been proud.

earthquake map

The epicenter was in Chino Hills, and for those of you not familiar with the topography of Southern California, that's where Ryan from The OC was from, Land of the Sizzler, the Wifebeater and the Ghettorific Low Rider.

Minutes later, local TV stations were breaking in with news of the quake ("A 5.8er, considered 'moderate'"). CNN showed the same water pipe break at an intersection somewhere I never dare to drive through. A CalTech geologist, who could have been the butcher, younger sister of John McCain, was the star of a press conference ("Let me take a look at my chart and explain to you what happens when the earth quakes"). Yes, do give us yet another sixth grade-level Earth Science lesson, lady, because it's not like we don't get this every time a quake hits.

Then the IMs poured in: Did you feel that?...Holy Shit...OMG...Our building is swaying...That was f**king crazy!

My first significant quake resonated with me (my first two had taken place a few years back during the wee hours of the morning), and my fetish for disaster movies suddenly became a little too real (1979's Meteor, starring Sean Connery and a Russian-speaking Natalie Wood, is still the shiz). However, like most Angelenos, Tuesday's little tremor was quickly forgotten amidst the phone calls, emails and deadlines that bombarded me throughout the rest of my day. Still, it was a fleeting reminder of how vulnerable we can be in a situation as uncontrollable as this one.

And for the record, the next time the ground shakes like that, I will run for cover - but it won't be under no Ikea piece of plywood.



Jenny said…
I can totally see you sitting in your chair, looking around, while everyone else is ducking for cover. Too funny.

Glad you're safe & sound!!
DeniseVlogs said…
hehe I was one of those ims :P

Popular posts from this blog

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many.

Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months (and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism)...

1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff, The Golden Palace), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death.

2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-themed restauran…

Dream Casting the New "Death on the Nile"

Earlier this year, when the trailer for the most recent Murder on the Orient Express remake was dropped, I was hoping that someone at 20th Century Fox would have the foresight to concoct an Agatha Christie Cinematic Universe. After all, this is the world we now live in -- where every property coveted by a major studio must have the potential to be milked for all it's worth. Plus, as a former child raised by an Agatha Christie fan, I am somewhat familiar with this world, and experiencing new renditions of these titles as an adult is exciting.

And now that Kenneth Branagh's version of the Hercule Poirot mystery has been released (and raking in $150 million-and-counting worldwide), it seems like my prayers are being answered. The studio is going ahead with a "sequel" in the form of a remake of Death on the Nile, another death-filled destination about the Belgian detective taking a river cruise in Egypt and coming across another corpse and another group of suspects.


Lori Loughlin Reunites with Daughter Olivia Jade: A Dramatization

The following is purely speculative for the purposes of our general entertainment and my possible employment to write the inevitable HBO/Hulu/Netflix/Ryan Murphy limited series...


A black SUV makes its way through a throng of news vans and a mob of reporters. Cameras flash. A proverbial media circus. The SUV pulls up to the gate as it slowly opens.


The SUV makes its way up the driveway and stops. A shaken LORI steps out of the car. She's clearly had a rough night and glances up at the house, preparing herself for what's to come. Her assistant, RILEY, 27, an overly groomed twunk running on three Venti lattes, is right there with her. 

He attempts to guide her to the door, but she waves him away.


Lori and Riley enter the quiet house, the outside chaos suddenly muted. No one is there to greet them.

RILEY She should be upstairs in her room.
LORI And Isabella?
Riley solemnly shakes his head.