Skip to main content

Random Thought of the Week #21

In 26 days (not that I'm counting) I will be turning 31.

Yet I have this lurking feeling that my mind or general sensibility hasn't caught up to my physical body. In reality, I'm an adult who has recently entered his 30s, but in the bizarro universe that is Los Angeles, I'm somewhere between the ages of 21 and 25.

I blame popular culture. I blame it with its insistence on remaking/rebooting/reimagining films, television shows, and pop songs, forcing me to revisit my childhood and adolescence with every irresistibly rehashed product it spews out almost every month, and preventing me from actually growing up.

Exhibits A through K:

The CW's attempt to bring back the 90s with a new 90210 and Melrose Place. ABC's reboot of V and Jane Badler's reprise of her role as Diana. Scream 4. J.Lo's sample of "Lambada" in her new dance single "On the Floor." Jay-Z's sample of "Forever Young" in his single "Young Forever." That Total Recall remake. That NKOTBSB tour. TNT's new take on Dallas. The blasphemous cover of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Ashley Tisdale. The following book titles: Wuthering Bites, Little Vampire Women, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and Jane Slayre. The impending Annie redo starring Willow Smith. Any given film adaptation of a Hasbro toy or Milton Bradley board game. Those rumors of a Buffy reboot. That news about a Blade Runner prequel...and sequel. Cher's alleged comeback in Burlesque. Betty White's comeback-that's-not-a-comeback. Nicki Minaj's oh-no-she-didn't sample of Annie Lennox's "No More I Love You's" in "Your Love." The new Nightmare on Elm Street. The new Friday the 13th. The new Prom Night. The get the picture.

Perhaps my rant is a clear enough sign of my actual age. After all, my list of Old Timer Traits continues to grow: Programming CNN as one of my Favorite Channels. Passing up Top 40 for NPR. Driving a hybrid vehicle. Not getting Taylor Swift - at all. Considering a 9am wake-up call "sleeping in." Preferring not to have any Friday night plans. Panicking about my savings account and credit score. Shuddering at the fact that The Goonies recently celebrated a 25th anniversary. Being sickened by the fact that anyone born before today's date in 1990 can purchase a pack of Budweiser...

How did I get here?


Popular posts from this blog

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many.

Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months (and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism)...

1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff, The Golden Palace), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death.

2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-themed restauran…

Dream Casting the New "Death on the Nile"

Earlier this year, when the trailer for the most recent Murder on the Orient Express remake was dropped, I was hoping that someone at 20th Century Fox would have the foresight to concoct an Agatha Christie Cinematic Universe. After all, this is the world we now live in -- where every property coveted by a major studio must have the potential to be milked for all it's worth. Plus, as a former child raised by an Agatha Christie fan, I am somewhat familiar with this world, and experiencing new renditions of these titles as an adult is exciting.

And now that Kenneth Branagh's version of the Hercule Poirot mystery has been released (and raking in $150 million-and-counting worldwide), it seems like my prayers are being answered. The studio is going ahead with a "sequel" in the form of a remake of Death on the Nile, another death-filled destination about the Belgian detective taking a river cruise in Egypt and coming across another corpse and another group of suspects.


Lori Loughlin Reunites with Daughter Olivia Jade: A Dramatization

The following is purely speculative for the purposes of our general entertainment and my possible employment to write the inevitable HBO/Hulu/Netflix/Ryan Murphy limited series...


A black SUV makes its way through a throng of news vans and a mob of reporters. Cameras flash. A proverbial media circus. The SUV pulls up to the gate as it slowly opens.


The SUV makes its way up the driveway and stops. A shaken LORI steps out of the car. She's clearly had a rough night and glances up at the house, preparing herself for what's to come. Her assistant, RILEY, 27, an overly groomed twunk running on three Venti lattes, is right there with her. 

He attempts to guide her to the door, but she waves him away.


Lori and Riley enter the quiet house, the outside chaos suddenly muted. No one is there to greet them.

RILEY She should be upstairs in her room.
LORI And Isabella?
Riley solemnly shakes his head.