In 26 days (not that I'm counting) I will be turning 31.
Yet I have this lurking feeling that my mind or general sensibility hasn't caught up to my physical body. In reality, I'm an adult who has recently entered his 30s, but in the bizarro universe that is Los Angeles, I'm somewhere between the ages of 21 and 25.
I blame popular culture. I blame it with its insistence on remaking/rebooting/reimagining films, television shows, and pop songs, forcing me to revisit my childhood and adolescence with every irresistibly rehashed product it spews out almost every month, and preventing me from actually growing up.
Exhibits A through K:
The CW's attempt to bring back the 90s with a new 90210 and Melrose Place. ABC's reboot of V and Jane Badler's reprise of her role as Diana. Scream 4. J.Lo's sample of "Lambada" in her new dance single "On the Floor." Jay-Z's sample of "Forever Young" in his single "Young Forever." That Total Recall remake. That NKOTBSB tour. TNT's new take on Dallas. The blasphemous cover of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Ashley Tisdale. The following book titles: Wuthering Bites, Little Vampire Women, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and Jane Slayre. The impending Annie redo starring Willow Smith. Any given film adaptation of a Hasbro toy or Milton Bradley board game. Those rumors of a Buffy reboot. That news about a Blade Runner prequel...and sequel. Cher's alleged comeback in Burlesque. Betty White's comeback-that's-not-a-comeback. Nicki Minaj's oh-no-she-didn't sample of Annie Lennox's "No More I Love You's" in "Your Love." The new Nightmare on Elm Street. The new Friday the 13th. The new Prom Night. The new...you get the picture.
Perhaps my rant is a clear enough sign of my actual age. After all, my list of Old Timer Traits continues to grow: Programming CNN as one of my Favorite Channels. Passing up Top 40 for NPR. Driving a hybrid vehicle. Not getting Taylor Swift - at all. Considering a 9am wake-up call "sleeping in." Preferring not to have any Friday night plans. Panicking about my savings account and credit score. Shuddering at the fact that The Goonies recently celebrated a 25th anniversary. Being sickened by the fact that anyone born before today's date in 1990 can purchase a pack of Budweiser...
How did I get here?