Skip to main content

Scene: Birthday, Take: 34

I am turning another year older.

Whether this involves turning another year wiser has yet to be determined.

Entering mid-thirtysomethingdom is a lot like arriving at a party wearing a T-shirt and jeans and stepping inside to see that everyone there is in business attire. As comfortable as it feels to think you're still "young," the truth is that you've become a full-fledged adult. You're not just "a big boy now"; you're a grown-ass man who has bills to pay, health insurance to grapple with, and a crapload of other responsibilities that would make your college-age self run and hide under a pile of ramen noodles.

I have arrived at the beginning of the end of that proverbial 18-34 category, the box you check off every time you fill out one of those forms that determines where you are in life, what group you're supposed to be lumped in with. I'm considered an elder of GenY but a baby in the eyes of GenX. I can remember life before the Internet and smartphones, but I have no clue what it was like to live in an era without cable TV.

If I were to see myself as another year wiser, it would be because, looking back, I have indeed accumulated a wealth of knowledge over the past 365 days...

1. I now know that settling a couple of student loans isn't what it's cracked up to be; the IRS currently has a chokehold on my finances. The reward for paying off a debt? Pay more. (Damn you, taxes!)

2. My life hasn't crumbled into oblivion without cable. Having gone this long (one year and two months) with my newfound streaming and downloading capabilities, I am confident that I will continue to survive. So what if I'm five episodes behind on The Walking Dead -- I can binge-watch like nobody's business.

3. Never settle for well vodka.

4. And in the words of one Miss Janet Jackson, love will never do without you -- all of the people who have passed through and come into my life thus far. Love is wonderful thing (yes, I also just quoted a Michael Bolton song).

Thank you, aging process, for strengthening my perspective on things, clarifying my priorities, and motivating me to do what I need to do.

Now let's have some cake.



Popular posts from this blog

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many.

Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months (and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism)...

1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff, The Golden Palace), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death.

2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-themed restauran…

Dream Casting the New "Death on the Nile"

Earlier this year, when the trailer for the most recent Murder on the Orient Express remake was dropped, I was hoping that someone at 20th Century Fox would have the foresight to concoct an Agatha Christie Cinematic Universe. After all, this is the world we now live in -- where every property coveted by a major studio must have the potential to be milked for all it's worth. Plus, as a former child raised by an Agatha Christie fan, I am somewhat familiar with this world, and experiencing new renditions of these titles as an adult is exciting.

And now that Kenneth Branagh's version of the Hercule Poirot mystery has been released (and raking in $150 million-and-counting worldwide), it seems like my prayers are being answered. The studio is going ahead with a "sequel" in the form of a remake of Death on the Nile, another death-filled destination about the Belgian detective taking a river cruise in Egypt and coming across another corpse and another group of suspects.


Lori Loughlin Reunites with Daughter Olivia Jade: A Dramatization

The following is purely speculative for the purposes of our general entertainment and my possible employment to write the inevitable HBO/Hulu/Netflix/Ryan Murphy limited series...


A black SUV makes its way through a throng of news vans and a mob of reporters. Cameras flash. A proverbial media circus. The SUV pulls up to the gate as it slowly opens.


The SUV makes its way up the driveway and stops. A shaken LORI steps out of the car. She's clearly had a rough night and glances up at the house, preparing herself for what's to come. Her assistant, RILEY, 27, an overly groomed twunk running on three Venti lattes, is right there with her. 

He attempts to guide her to the door, but she waves him away.


Lori and Riley enter the quiet house, the outside chaos suddenly muted. No one is there to greet them.

RILEY She should be upstairs in her room.
LORI And Isabella?
Riley solemnly shakes his head.