Skip to main content

Who Killed Hiko?

It's a given that I am a TV junkie.

I grew up watching characters named Bobby, Roseanne, Michael and Mulder, knowing full well that there could never be a Hiko written into a script, that there could never be character created with my unique moniker. Even in movies I cherished (Forrest, Freddy, Bender - hell, even Keyser) my name was never uttered. I could always rely on my name being unique, forever one-of-a-kind (untouched by Hollywood at least).

Then along comes Samurai Girl, ABC Family's miniseries about a girl who is forced into an arranged marriage by her rich and powerful father and later gets thrust into a dangerous Alias-like web of secrets and swords after witnessing the murder of her older brother, HIKO.

I'm sure one can understand how giddily distracted I was today when two of my coworkers (and my dad - via a phone call from his vacation in Atlantic City) had told me that they had watched me get stabbed in the chest and become the focal point in a murder mystery during the Samurai marathon which aired this past weekend. I finally made it, and it was truly bizarre at first, hearing someone call out my name, referring to someone else for the first time, especially a fictional character.

All of you Johns and Jennifers out there - you just don't understand.

Below is a guide to the opening ten minutes of the first installment. It's typical PG-13 action fare (who knew death and deception reigned supreme on a network aimed at...well, families), and I have gone ahead and broken down where I (or rather, my name) prominently pops up in the premiere.

0:46 - My debut.

2:11 - "Hiko, thank you." (Basically, my name is dropped three times in the first two minutes, thank you very much)

5:15 - My crimelord dad expresses his disappointment in me.

7:55 - I make an appearance to save little sis from getting sliced and diced on her wedding day (and frankly, I kick some serious ninja ass).

And sadly, at 9:22, I kick my last piece of ninja ass.


Props to the long-haired Jack Yang for playing my televised alter-ego. Dude, you were that guy who got to make out with Lucy Liu on Cashmere Mafia! Rock on. Maybe they can create another Hiko for you, a new character on Gossip Girl perhaps, the older brother of that Asian chick no one pays attention to, a Japanese frat dude who seduces both Blair...and Chuck.

And lastly, writers of Samurai Girl, I salute you. Thank you for breaking down the doors and allowing my name to be broadcast around the country.

I look forward to negotiating my DVD residuals with you.



Jennifer said…
RIGHT ON!!!!!!
Tor Hershman said…
Nope, I don't understand 'cause whenever anyone goes on 'tour'.
Rob Anderson said…
Wow. That's a "Family" show?? I certainly can see your point.

Popular posts from this blog

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many.

Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months (and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism)...

1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff, The Golden Palace), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death.

2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-themed restauran…

Dream Casting the New "Death on the Nile"

Earlier this year, when the trailer for the most recent Murder on the Orient Express remake was dropped, I was hoping that someone at 20th Century Fox would have the foresight to concoct an Agatha Christie Cinematic Universe. After all, this is the world we now live in -- where every property coveted by a major studio must have the potential to be milked for all it's worth. Plus, as a former child raised by an Agatha Christie fan, I am somewhat familiar with this world, and experiencing new renditions of these titles as an adult is exciting.

And now that Kenneth Branagh's version of the Hercule Poirot mystery has been released (and raking in $150 million-and-counting worldwide), it seems like my prayers are being answered. The studio is going ahead with a "sequel" in the form of a remake of Death on the Nile, another death-filled destination about the Belgian detective taking a river cruise in Egypt and coming across another corpse and another group of suspects.


Lori Loughlin Reunites with Daughter Olivia Jade: A Dramatization

The following is purely speculative for the purposes of our general entertainment and my possible employment to write the inevitable HBO/Hulu/Netflix/Ryan Murphy limited series...


A black SUV makes its way through a throng of news vans and a mob of reporters. Cameras flash. A proverbial media circus. The SUV pulls up to the gate as it slowly opens.


The SUV makes its way up the driveway and stops. A shaken LORI steps out of the car. She's clearly had a rough night and glances up at the house, preparing herself for what's to come. Her assistant, RILEY, 27, an overly groomed twunk running on three Venti lattes, is right there with her. 

He attempts to guide her to the door, but she waves him away.


Lori and Riley enter the quiet house, the outside chaos suddenly muted. No one is there to greet them.

RILEY She should be upstairs in her room.
LORI And Isabella?
Riley solemnly shakes his head.