Skip to main content

Who Killed Hiko?

It's a given that I am a TV junkie.

I grew up watching characters named Bobby, Roseanne, Michael and Mulder, knowing full well that there could never be a Hiko written into a script, that there could never be character created with my unique moniker. Even in movies I cherished (Forrest, Freddy, Bender - hell, even Keyser) my name was never uttered. I could always rely on my name being unique, forever one-of-a-kind (untouched by Hollywood at least).

Then along comes Samurai Girl, ABC Family's miniseries about a girl who is forced into an arranged marriage by her rich and powerful father and later gets thrust into a dangerous Alias-like web of secrets and swords after witnessing the murder of her older brother, HIKO.

I'm sure one can understand how giddily distracted I was today when two of my coworkers (and my dad - via a phone call from his vacation in Atlantic City) had told me that they had watched me get stabbed in the chest and become the focal point in a murder mystery during the Samurai marathon which aired this past weekend. I finally made it, and it was truly bizarre at first, hearing someone call out my name, referring to someone else for the first time, especially a fictional character.

All of you Johns and Jennifers out there - you just don't understand.

Below is a guide to the opening ten minutes of the first installment. It's typical PG-13 action fare (who knew death and deception reigned supreme on a network aimed at...well, families), and I have gone ahead and broken down where I (or rather, my name) prominently pops up in the premiere.

0:46 - My debut.

2:11 - "Hiko, thank you." (Basically, my name is dropped three times in the first two minutes, thank you very much)

5:15 - My crimelord dad expresses his disappointment in me.

7:55 - I make an appearance to save little sis from getting sliced and diced on her wedding day (and frankly, I kick some serious ninja ass).

And sadly, at 9:22, I kick my last piece of ninja ass.


Props to the long-haired Jack Yang for playing my televised alter-ego. Dude, you were that guy who got to make out with Lucy Liu on Cashmere Mafia! Rock on. Maybe they can create another Hiko for you, a new character on Gossip Girl perhaps, the older brother of that Asian chick no one pays attention to, a Japanese frat dude who seduces both Blair...and Chuck.

And lastly, writers of Samurai Girl, I salute you. Thank you for breaking down the doors and allowing my name to be broadcast around the country.

I look forward to negotiating my DVD residuals with you.



Unknown said…
RIGHT ON!!!!!!
Nope, I don't understand 'cause whenever anyone goes on 'tour'.
Unknown said…
Wow. That's a "Family" show?? I certainly can see your point.

Popular posts from this blog

The Class of '98 Turns 40

We are the Class of '98. We're a little too old to be Millennials, yet too young to be GenXers. As of now, half of our lives has lived in one century while the other half lives and moves forward in another. For us, Cabbage Patch Dolls were the 80s, Tamagotchi was the 90s, and Napster was the dawn of the 00s. We grew up with cassette tapes and Saturday morning cartoons. We came of age with CGI dinosaurs and the rise of the Frappucino. And we approach middle age with memes, reboots, and viral videos all designed to distract us from middle age. We were too young to fully understand the words "Challenger explosion." We were too young to appreciate the fall of the Berlin Wall. But by the time places like Waco, Oklahoma City, and Littleton pinged on everyone's radar, we started to grasp how scary the world could be. Our adolescence was defined by jagged little pills, prescriptions from Dr. Dre, and the fact that some of us were naughty by nature. We learned t

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many. Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months ( and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism )... 1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff,  The Golden Palace ), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death. 2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-

Just Because: 9 Music Videos That Take Place in Laundromats

It's one of the biggest music video tropes that's rarely explored in pop culture. The public laundromat has become a go-to location for artists when making a music video for a single they wish to sell to the masses. But WHAT IS IT about a space where ragtag groups of strangers gather to fluff and fold their delicates? Is it the obvious metaphor of dirty versus clean? The scintillating possibility of people stripping off their clothes for a wash? I was feeling a little nostalgic (as usual) and took a look at some of the vids that have fallen under the spell of spin cycles over the past 30 years... "EVERY HEARTBEAT" / AMY GRANT (1991) Back in the early 90s, the Christian pop tart followed up her massively successful "Baby Baby" with "Every Heartbeat," a personal childhood favorite of yours truly  (the Body & Soul Mix, of course). In one of the two vignettes featured in the video, a laundry-toting hottie attempts to flirt with a young