Who Killed Hiko?



It's a given that I am a TV junkie.

I grew up watching characters named Bobby, Roseanne, Michael and Mulder, knowing full well that there could never be a Hiko written into a script, that there could never be character created with my unique moniker. Even in movies I cherished (Forrest, Freddy, Bender - hell, even Keyser) my name was never uttered. I could always rely on my name being unique, forever one-of-a-kind (untouched by Hollywood at least).

Then along comes Samurai Girl, ABC Family's miniseries about a girl who is forced into an arranged marriage by her rich and powerful father and later gets thrust into a dangerous Alias-like web of secrets and swords after witnessing the murder of her older brother, HIKO.

I'm sure one can understand how giddily distracted I was today when two of my coworkers (and my dad - via a phone call from his vacation in Atlantic City) had told me that they had watched me get stabbed in the chest and become the focal point in a murder mystery during the Samurai marathon which aired this past weekend. I finally made it, and it was truly bizarre at first, hearing someone call out my name, referring to someone else for the first time, especially a fictional character.

All of you Johns and Jennifers out there - you just don't understand.

Below is a guide to the opening ten minutes of the first installment. It's typical PG-13 action fare (who knew death and deception reigned supreme on a network aimed at...well, families), and I have gone ahead and broken down where I (or rather, my name) prominently pops up in the premiere.



0:46 - My debut.

2:11 - "Hiko, thank you." (Basically, my name is dropped three times in the first two minutes, thank you very much)

5:15 - My crimelord dad expresses his disappointment in me.

7:55 - I make an appearance to save little sis from getting sliced and diced on her wedding day (and frankly, I kick some serious ninja ass).

And sadly, at 9:22, I kick my last piece of ninja ass.

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Props to the long-haired Jack Yang for playing my televised alter-ego. Dude, you were that guy who got to make out with Lucy Liu on Cashmere Mafia! Rock on. Maybe they can create another Hiko for you, a new character on Gossip Girl perhaps, the older brother of that Asian chick no one pays attention to, a Japanese frat dude who seduces both Blair...and Chuck.

And lastly, writers of Samurai Girl, I salute you. Thank you for breaking down the doors and allowing my name to be broadcast around the country.

I look forward to negotiating my DVD residuals with you.


H.P.M.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

RIGHT ON!!!!!!

Tor Hershman said...

Nope, I don't understand 'cause whenever anyone goes on 'tour'.

Rob Anderson said...

Wow. That's a "Family" show?? I certainly can see your point.