10 Questions from 90s Pop Songs, Finally Answered
The 90s were filled with emerging music genres (hip-hop, dance, alternative rock) that characterized the decade and provided a unique soundtrack for those of us who came of age during the Clinton era. It was also a time when songs delivered a few head scratchers when it came to their lyrics, posing questions that have never really been answered...until now.
QUESTION 1: "What Is Love?" (Haddaway, 1993)
ANSWER: Love is never having to say you're sorry for subjecting women to running backwards down staircases. In heels. (But your pleas have fallen on deaf ears; your "baby" is definitely going to hurt you.)
QUESTION 2: "How Do You Talk To An Angel?" (The Heights, 1992)
ANSWER: Very delicately. Angels are known to be esoteric beings that only communicate with those who function on the same intellectual level as them. Sometimes you can talk to them in riddles; they appreciate a good brain teaser every so often.
QUESTION 3: "Where Do You Go?" (No Mercy, 1996)
ANSWER: It's none of your business. There's a reason why your girl left "without a word, no message, no number." You're probably a shitty boyfriend with no life goals, hanging out with the same two bros who insist on playing guitar and learning choreography in front your crappy apartment.
QUESTION 4: "Why Does It Always Rain On Me?" (Travis, 1999)
ANSWER: It's not because you lied when you were seventeen. Maybe it's because you live in a location with a significantly wet climate that isn't very conducive to your wellbeing. You need a new outlook, dude. Try some therapy.
QUESTION 5: "Why?" (Annie Lennox, 1992)
ANSWER: It's an age-old question, Annie. Looks like you'll never know. But maybe it has something to do with your penchant for feather boas?
QUESTION 6: "Who Do U Love?" (Deborah Cox, 1996)
ANSWER: I'm just gonna give it to you straight, girl. Your man loves that ho that's been coming around the neighborhood every week. You know who she is. She doesn't have that cute Rachel-from-Friends cut you're sporting, but she knows how to pop it, and that's why you need to ditch this scrub and find a real man who will appreciate you and your chartreuse top.
QUESTION 7: "What Would You Say?" (Dave Matthews Band, 1994)
ANSWER: I would say that I'd like to know what you're smoking if you keep insisting on talking about a bear who "ate his head and thought it was candy."
QUESTION 8: "How Can We Be Lovers?" (Michael Bolton, 1990)
ANSWER: Simply put, you can't. You said it yourself: you can't be friends, the fighting never ends, and you can't make amends. So move on, bro. Seriously. Go find yourself a hot rebound. And before you do, get that mane cut.
QUESTION 9: "How Do I Deal?" (Jennifer Love Hewitt, 1998)
ANSWER: Well, first of all, let me tell you that an all-expenses-paid trip to a tropical getaway is not the best way to deal with your high school friends being brutally murdered by a fisherman who knows what you did two summers ago. (Plus, spoiler alert, the whole vacation is a trap.) Have you tried extensive therapy? Yoga even?
QUESTION 10: "What About Your Friends?" (TLC, 1992)
ANSWER: This is a rhetorical question. You already know that some of them will indeed be low down, some will be around, and yes, some will even turn their backs on you.