Pop Culture Rant of the Week

Dear E! Networks: It's nice to see you investing in British girl group The Saturdays (see: Chasing the Saturdays, premiering this winter). I didn't realize America time-traveled back to 2008 -- y'know, when they dropped their debut album. Granted, it was in the UK, but still, the Brits must be getting a kick out of watching us Yanks jump on a bandwagon half a decade old.

NBC's Deception is a shining example of what's wrong with most of network television. I can buy Victor Garber playing Tate Donovan's father as much as I can buy Mariah Carey wanting to be on American Idol.

Jurassic Park 4 will be hitting theaters on June 13, 2014, 21 years after the original. If Christopher Nolan gets tapped to direct this, expect morally ambiguous dinosaurs, a Hans Zimmer rendition of John Williams's majestic score, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as an ambitious archaeologist who suffers from visions of his dead wife.

Destiny's Child released a new single called "Nuclear," produced by Pharrell Williams. Strangely, it has nothing to do with the arms race with North Korea and Russia, but it does sound like a whole lotta 1993 was crammed up in this joint. And that ain't such a bad thing.

Justin Timberlake announces his comeback to music. Anyone who can clearly remember 2002 is now at risk of spontaneously combusting.

Britney Spears isn't coming back to The X Factor, and she broke up with Jason Trawick. In related news, I had a nice bowel movement this morning.

I need the new Ke$ha video like I need a third nipple on my elbow.

Flu update: I watched a video of a man sneezing on a New York City subway. According to a CNN segment called "Anatomy of a Sneeze," 40,000 droplets are released in one blow. If you need me, you can find me in my airtight bubble surrounded by bottles of hand sanitizer inside my apartment.

If Pitch Perfect 2 is officially greenlit by Universal, I'd like to petition for the subtitle to be called Aca-Boogaloo.



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