Skip to main content

Today Is My Last Day of Cable TV

I would be lying if I said I knew this day would come.

But the truth is: it was a combination of shitty misfortune and crappy circumstance that forced my hand to, after years of patronage, make the fateful call to the poor customer service representative at Time Warner Cable who had to reluctantly accept my rejection of cable TV service.

And damn are those guys a persistent bunch of pricks. Those who have gone through the same experience know what I'm talking about. But I have to hand it to "Ralph," the young gentleman who did his best, read from his script, and attempted to sell me a lower-priced bundle. No business wants to hear that a customer will no longer be visiting its store as frequently as they used to. But Ralphie, babe, you're not losing me completely. You're just not getting my $128.50 every goddamn month.

To those who know me, this recent development may come as a shock. Like most of you, I was that appointment TV watcher whose DVR rarely fell under 40% capacity because my viewing habits have drastically changed over the past decade. Out of the average ten shows I regularly watch each week, nine of them are watched either on delay, the next day, or the following week. For a while there, I was behind on four episodes of The Vampire Diaries -- gasp! And with more and more episodes of my favorite comedies and dramas being made available online (and elsewhere), getting rid of my cable package during these financially challenging times made more and more sense.

It's called sacrifice, people. And I'm making it.

Today is my last day of service, and I'm already feeling the beginnings of cold turkey creeping up on me. But with that comes an exciting sense of liberty. Of freedom. I'm feeling the chains fall to the ground, and there's nothing -- no sweet offer, no free HBO for 3 months -- that the cable gods can do to hold me down.

To the bloodsuckers at Time Warner Cable, I say this: Say hello to my little friends, Netflix, Hulu Plus, Crackle, and YouTube.

To my close friends in Los Angeles: you can count on me showing up at your place for the Oscars and Grammys next month...and for the Emmys in September.

And to those paperback novels that have been patiently waiting on my shelves (along with my poor, neglected Kindle): perhaps I will finally get to you at some point this year.

Taking deep breaths,



Anonymous said…
I have never had cable, everything i need i can get on graboid lol. it's really not worth for the 1 or 2 programs on hbo.

Popular posts from this blog

The Class of '98 Turns 40

We are the Class of '98. We're a little too old to be Millennials, yet too young to be GenXers. As of now, half of our lives has lived in one century while the other half lives and moves forward in another. For us, Cabbage Patch Dolls were the 80s, Tamagotchi was the 90s, and Napster was the dawn of the 00s. We grew up with cassette tapes and Saturday morning cartoons. We came of age with CGI dinosaurs and the rise of the Frappucino. And we approach middle age with memes, reboots, and viral videos all designed to distract us from middle age. We were too young to fully understand the words "Challenger explosion." We were too young to appreciate the fall of the Berlin Wall. But by the time places like Waco, Oklahoma City, and Littleton pinged on everyone's radar, we started to grasp how scary the world could be. Our adolescence was defined by jagged little pills, prescriptions from Dr. Dre, and the fact that some of us were naughty by nature. We learned t

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many. Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months ( and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism )... 1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff,  The Golden Palace ), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death. 2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-

Just Because: 9 Music Videos That Take Place in Laundromats

It's one of the biggest music video tropes that's rarely explored in pop culture. The public laundromat has become a go-to location for artists when making a music video for a single they wish to sell to the masses. But WHAT IS IT about a space where ragtag groups of strangers gather to fluff and fold their delicates? Is it the obvious metaphor of dirty versus clean? The scintillating possibility of people stripping off their clothes for a wash? I was feeling a little nostalgic (as usual) and took a look at some of the vids that have fallen under the spell of spin cycles over the past 30 years... "EVERY HEARTBEAT" / AMY GRANT (1991) Back in the early 90s, the Christian pop tart followed up her massively successful "Baby Baby" with "Every Heartbeat," a personal childhood favorite of yours truly  (the Body & Soul Mix, of course). In one of the two vignettes featured in the video, a laundry-toting hottie attempts to flirt with a young