January 31, 2013
Today Is My Last Day of Cable TV
But the truth is: it was a combination of shitty misfortune and crappy circumstance that forced my hand to, after years of patronage, make the fateful call to the poor customer service representative at Time Warner Cable who had to reluctantly accept my rejection of cable TV service.
And damn are those guys a persistent bunch of pricks. Those who have gone through the same experience know what I'm talking about. But I have to hand it to "Ralph," the young gentleman who did his best, read from his script, and attempted to sell me a lower-priced bundle. No business wants to hear that a customer will no longer be visiting its store as frequently as they used to. But Ralphie, babe, you're not losing me completely. You're just not getting my $128.50 every goddamn month.
To those who know me, this recent development may come as a shock. Like most of you, I was that appointment TV watcher whose DVR rarely fell under 40% capacity because my viewing habits have drastically changed over the past decade. Out of the average ten shows I regularly watch each week, nine of them are watched either on delay, the next day, or the following week. For a while there, I was behind on four episodes of The Vampire Diaries -- gasp! And with more and more episodes of my favorite comedies and dramas being made available online (and elsewhere), getting rid of my cable package during these financially challenging times made more and more sense.
It's called sacrifice, people. And I'm making it.
Today is my last day of service, and I'm already feeling the beginnings of cold turkey creeping up on me. But with that comes an exciting sense of liberty. Of freedom. I'm feeling the chains fall to the ground, and there's nothing -- no sweet offer, no free HBO for 3 months -- that the cable gods can do to hold me down.
To the bloodsuckers at Time Warner Cable, I say this: Say hello to my little friends, Netflix, Hulu Plus, Crackle, and YouTube.
To my close friends in Los Angeles: you can count on me showing up at your place for the Oscars and Grammys next month...and for the Emmys in September.
And to those paperback novels that have been patiently waiting on my shelves (along with my poor, neglected Kindle): perhaps I will finally get to you at some point this year.
Taking deep breaths,