STFU: We get it. Katy's album is a mess. Kesha is doing "cathartic" existential ballads. Yet that Camila Cabello jam is surprisingly hot. Face it: we live in a world where up is down, right is left, and before you know it, we're living in Children of Men.
STFU, Anthony Bourdain: I didn't think Baby Driver was one of the best movies of the year, but I at least appreciated the sound mixing, editing, and music supervision. Dude, your curmudgeon is showing.
STFU: I don't need to see a "sneak peek" of your smoothie tutorial video on Instagram. Go shove a scoopful of that protein powder up where the sun will never shine. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's been up there (so I've heard).
STFU: I could give two dried turds about the Rob and Chyna saga.
STFU: If you keep boycotting airlines whenever they do something shitty to passengers, then soon you won't be able to fly to those exotic locales where you can take selfies and beach photos of your tanned feet with the caption "Today's office."
STFU: I'm sorry that the most exciting thing in your life right now is the glazed chicken and grilled asparagus you made for dinner last night. Your #foodielife is still nowhere near as fabulous as the Food Newtork stars you're desperately trying to emulate.
Speaking of recipes, STFU, food delivery services: I don't want a Blue Apron. I've said goodbye to Hello Fresh. And Freshly has gone quickly.
STFU: Do you go anywhere else besides your Crossfit gym? Do you go to movies? Do you eat at nice restaurants? Do you shop at stores? Do you, y'know, interact with regular humans? Because I couldn't tell based on the 134 photos you took of yourself posing and lifting with your "team" in the past five days.
STFU, anyone who insists on addressing their "haters": This only implies that you have the ego to think you're significant enough to have haters and the audacity to preoccupy yourself with people who don't like you when, in fact, you shouldn't give a shit about them.
STFU: I haven't watched Glow on Netflix yet.
STFU: I realize there are worst things happening in the world, but the construction on Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills is killing me. So maybe I should just STFU too.