Skip to main content

20 MORE Things I've Learned About Living in L.A.

In honor of my upcoming 10-year anniversary of living in Los Angeles (June 27), I continue to reminsce and reflect on my time spent in this mind-boggling, maddening, yet marvelous town.

Therefore I've come up with another list of lessons the City of Angels has taught me throughout the past decade (you may remember my first list from last October). Some are obvious, some are surprising, and some I shall hold dear for the rest of my life...

1. Palm Springs is where older "confirmed bachelors" and married retirees go to die. But before that, they drink lots of Bloody Marys and enjoy an occasional round of antique window shopping.

2. The Hollywood Bowl is the place to be...spotted by a dozen people you haven't seen in months or acquaintances you've been meaning to unfriend on Facebook.

3. A girl who claims that she's "a gay man trapped in a woman's body" or "must have been a gay man in a past life" is just covering up the fact that she's a slut. A drunk slut (*I'm sure this applies to most cosmopolitan areas across the nation).

4. Once in a while you find yourself asking the inevitable question: What the hell goes on inside the behemoth that is the Pacific Design Center?

5. Flip-flops are forever.

6. If the boss is a hot-tempered douchebag of a prick, then most likely, so is his assistant (*similar to the old adage that says dog owners usually resemble their pets).

7. Befriend guild members, for they shall be your free ticket to movie screeners and other goodies.

8. While road trippin' it to Vegas, do not stop for gas in Primm, Nevada. Just...don't.

8a. Speaking of which, what really stays in Vegas is the $200 you had saved for the blackjack tables...and the beer and nachos you threw up outside that strip joint by the 7-Eleven.

9. Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry is really good at playing charades.

10. Amoeba Music will always smell like vinyl, unshampooed hair, and incense.

11. Whole Foods is a great place to compare piercings or tattoos with your friendly checkout cashier.

12. It's not who you know, it's who you blow it's who you can tolerate and click with during a 12-hour workday on set...and do it all over again the next day.

13. Anything below 70 degrees is indeed frigid.

14. Accept the inevitability that your inbox will be inundated with invitations to attend a friend's a) comedy show b) improv showcase c) gallery exhibit d) film screening e) birthday fundraiser f) cocktail mixer g) holiday toy drive h) piano recital or... i) poetry reading at that cafe you always thought was a homeless shelter.

15. One man's unopened bottle of wine is the another man's gift to receive at a housewarming party.

16. The retail space at the corner of Robertson and Santa Monica in West Hollywood is cursed. I'm convinced of it (R.I.P. Java Detour and the countless other businesses that existed before).

17. Red Bull and vodka is sooooo 2003.

18. Running low on shaving cream, pomade, or moisturizer? Forget Target. A gift bag from any movie premiere/fundraiser/magazine party will take care of that.

19. According to Facebook, I am now, thanks my network of L.A. "friends," one degree of separation from several child stars I grew up watching in the 80s and 90s.

And finally...

20. Jealousy and envy can be easily diguised with a simple smile, an overenthusiastic pat on the back, and the words, "Congrats on getting your script sold! So proud of you!"

Bonus lesson: Trying to date a publicist is its own mission impossible (Oh, and the weather here? Truly doesn't suck).

Any more I'm missing?



Popular posts from this blog

The Class of '98 Turns 40

We are the Class of '98. We're a little too old to be Millennials, yet too young to be GenXers. As of now, half of our lives has lived in one century while the other half lives and moves forward in another. For us, Cabbage Patch Dolls were the 80s, Tamagotchi was the 90s, and Napster was the dawn of the 00s. We grew up with cassette tapes and Saturday morning cartoons. We came of age with CGI dinosaurs and the rise of the Frappucino. And we approach middle age with memes, reboots, and viral videos all designed to distract us from middle age. We were too young to fully understand the words "Challenger explosion." We were too young to appreciate the fall of the Berlin Wall. But by the time places like Waco, Oklahoma City, and Littleton pinged on everyone's radar, we started to grasp how scary the world could be. Our adolescence was defined by jagged little pills, prescriptions from Dr. Dre, and the fact that some of us were naughty by nature. We learned t

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many. Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months ( and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism )... 1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff,  The Golden Palace ), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death. 2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-

Just Because: 9 Music Videos That Take Place in Laundromats

It's one of the biggest music video tropes that's rarely explored in pop culture. The public laundromat has become a go-to location for artists when making a music video for a single they wish to sell to the masses. But WHAT IS IT about a space where ragtag groups of strangers gather to fluff and fold their delicates? Is it the obvious metaphor of dirty versus clean? The scintillating possibility of people stripping off their clothes for a wash? I was feeling a little nostalgic (as usual) and took a look at some of the vids that have fallen under the spell of spin cycles over the past 30 years... "EVERY HEARTBEAT" / AMY GRANT (1991) Back in the early 90s, the Christian pop tart followed up her massively successful "Baby Baby" with "Every Heartbeat," a personal childhood favorite of yours truly  (the Body & Soul Mix, of course). In one of the two vignettes featured in the video, a laundry-toting hottie attempts to flirt with a young