Skip to main content

I Listened to Christina Aguilera's "Your Body" 17 Times Within 8 Hours

*Updated 9/14/12
Christina Aguilera's hotly anticipated new single leaked across the interwebs today, and I made sure to snatch it up before the Music Police shut down every link in the joint.

The title of the track: "Your Body." Naturally, there are explicit and clean versions of the song.

Upon my first listen, I had my doubts. I cringed at the blatant, sexually-charged lyrics. The hesitant and concerned fan in me thought, Did the girl learn nothing from 2010's "Not Myself Tonight"? Then, I was informed that Max Martin was the puppet master behind this jam -- a hitmaker for the new millennium if there ever was one. Look him up if the name doesn't ring a bell (seriously, I'll wait while you do).

Then I played it again. The opening beat was, thankfully, something that didn't come off as another David Guetta/Calvin Harris/RedOne production. Then came the chorus, and it was undeniably hot; she had me at that drawn out "Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh." Then the hard bassline kicked in, blending in with her R-rated proclamations.

I played it again. Her vocals were strong as ever, a sexed-up siren clutching to those "Dirrty" roots of hers, despite the fact she's now a 30-something divorced mom (yes, to those of us who feel like "Genie in a Bottle" only dropped a few summers ago -- we're old). I played it again; the synths sucked me in this time around.

To the youngin's out there who were too young to appreciate "Beautiful" back in the last decade, you may see her as a washed-up diva who now has to resort to critiquing hopeful singers from an oversized chair on network television. One music blogger, who shall remain nameless, insists on calling her "Floptina."

At the risk of sounding like a delusional, die-hard fan who's been blinded by love and appreciation for an artist, I say "Back off." If you want to talk about aging pop stars who are desperately reaching for a Top 40 audience, I have four letters for you: MDNA. Christina, on the other hand, at the ripe age of 32, still has enough cred to warrant legitimate, chart-topping singles.

Anyway, back to "Your Body." I played it three times in the car on the way to a lunch meeting. I played it again on the way to meet a friend for coffee. And then I played it twice at the gym while sweating off my mocha Frappucino. After hearing it up close through my earbuds, I suddenly had the desire to hear it magnified in a club. I couldn't wait for this to hit the nightlife circuit. I found myself mouthing the lyrics while pumping my legs on the elliptical machine.

I was in it.

I'm not saying Aguilera has a "comeback" on her hands. I'm wary of even using that word nowadays because it's become so overused that it's become trite. And the woman didn't really go anywhere (no one really ever does). However, I admit that she's clearly trying to erase everyone's memories of Bionic, the album that unfortunately became a pop casualty, falling under the shadow of all things Gaga.

That all said, I still have hope for the new album. (out November 13!)

Okay, enough rambling. Here's "Your Body":

And that's my two cents.



Popular posts from this blog

The Class of '98 Turns 40

We are the Class of '98. We're a little too old to be Millennials, yet too young to be GenXers. As of now, half of our lives has lived in one century while the other half lives and moves forward in another. For us, Cabbage Patch Dolls were the 80s, Tamagotchi was the 90s, and Napster was the dawn of the 00s. We grew up with cassette tapes and Saturday morning cartoons. We came of age with CGI dinosaurs and the rise of the Frappucino. And we approach middle age with memes, reboots, and viral videos all designed to distract us from middle age. We were too young to fully understand the words "Challenger explosion." We were too young to appreciate the fall of the Berlin Wall. But by the time places like Waco, Oklahoma City, and Littleton pinged on everyone's radar, we started to grasp how scary the world could be. Our adolescence was defined by jagged little pills, prescriptions from Dr. Dre, and the fact that some of us were naughty by nature. We learned t

13 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Golden Girls'

When one nostalgically binges on all seven seasons of The Golden Girls like me (I swear I have a life), you pick up on a few things. Certain patterns appear as you continuously witness the consumption of countless cheesecakes inside a fictitious Miami kitchen and hear one St. Olaf story too many. Here's what I noticed after playing my DVDs of this 80s classic over the past several months ( and if you're already familiar with the following factoids, excuse me for underestimating your fanaticism )... 1. Actor Harold Gould, who played Rose's long-term boyfriend Miles Webber from Season 5 to Season 7 (and throughout most of the short-lived spinoff,  The Golden Palace ), also appears in the first season as Arnie Peterson, Rose's first serious beau after her husband's death. 2. The same can be said for Sid Melton, who played Sophia's deceased husband Sal (in flashbacks and dream sequences). He also appears in a Season 6 episode as a jester in a medieval-

Just Because: 9 Music Videos That Take Place in Laundromats

It's one of the biggest music video tropes that's rarely explored in pop culture. The public laundromat has become a go-to location for artists when making a music video for a single they wish to sell to the masses. But WHAT IS IT about a space where ragtag groups of strangers gather to fluff and fold their delicates? Is it the obvious metaphor of dirty versus clean? The scintillating possibility of people stripping off their clothes for a wash? I was feeling a little nostalgic (as usual) and took a look at some of the vids that have fallen under the spell of spin cycles over the past 30 years... "EVERY HEARTBEAT" / AMY GRANT (1991) Back in the early 90s, the Christian pop tart followed up her massively successful "Baby Baby" with "Every Heartbeat," a personal childhood favorite of yours truly  (the Body & Soul Mix, of course). In one of the two vignettes featured in the video, a laundry-toting hottie attempts to flirt with a young