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Party Politics: How the RSVP Became Irrelevant

It's one thing to turn down an Evite to a party, but it's another can of worms that's opened whenever "Maybe" is the response given.

To some party hosts, "Maybe" is that waiting room where responses dwell before eventually heading off to "No"-ville. To others, "Maybe" is a chicken-shit way of saying, "Thanks, but I'd rather stay home and pluck my nosehairs while reorganizing my spice rack...but count me in -- just in case!"

Personally, I'm all for doing away with the Maybe column on Evites. It creates confusion and unnecessary stress for the party host. Cups need to be counted. Beer bottles need to be rationed. The number of track marks need to be estimated on the freshly shampooed carpet.

And then there's Not Yet Responded, possibly the worst category to fall under. To some hosts, this means you really don't give a shit, especially when the host can see who has viewed the Evite, a feature probably unknown to those who have never written an e-mail in their life. And does one bother to include habitual Not Yetters in future Evites? Is it a waste of kilobytes for the inbox?

Why not be retro and bring back physical paper invites that you can put in the mail? Bring back the excitement of holding an actual card with your name neatly printed on a crisp white envelope. Give the folks over at Papyrus some business and invest in a box of Anne Geddes stationery! Haven't we saved enough trees?

Most Evites encourage the addition of a plus-one or -two (the plussing of 14 doesn't make you look popular or funny -- you're just an asshole). However, is there a limit? Should there be one included in the message? What number makes a posse or an entourage? Must you be the guy who has to bring his "crew" because "that's how you roll"?

At this point, some of you may be asking, "Who the hell uses Evites anymore?" Answer: those who still think it's cool to say "Totes." True, more people are now abusing the privilege of the Facebook Event Invite, further making the concept of RSVPing even more pointless. Right now we're living in a time when the democratization of invitation sending has made RSVPs somewhat irrelevant. Nowadays we're inundated with so many invites and event alerts, some of us have stopped paying attention and just move on to the next distraction in our inboxes. Does anyone care anymore? Whoever shows up will show up. Those who don't, f**k 'em.

This weekend is Halloween Havoc XII, an annual costume bash my friend Matt produces. Naturally, I play the role of DJ, something I've done for the past seven years. I'm as proud of my playlist as a father is proud of his Little League star of a son.

Regardless of the Evite replies we've gotten in the past, the parties are always ginormous successes. The expected 200-plus guests usually show up, even if the number of RSVPs may not reflect the final tally. All that matters is that there's enough alcohol to have a fun (and responsible) time.

See you under the cobwebs and strobelights this Saturday.



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