March 07, 2013
8 Excuses Actors Give to Explain Their Film Role Choices (and What They Really Mean)
Here are eight typical answers I've heard repeated at various press events...as well as my interpretation of each soundbite.
Feel free to match famous names with any of the following:
1. "The director. I'm such a huge fan of his films. I've always wanted to work with him." TRANSLATION: I needed to clean up my tarnished reputation after TMZ caught me on a bender in West Hollywood, and this guy's filmmaking pedigree is just what I needed.
2. "I always thought there was more to the story that needed to be told." TRANSLATION: The studio had me nailed down for at least two sequels. Besides, they promised me a 20% increase in my fee with each movie. Score!
3. "I always found his/her life story to be so fascinating. He/she contributed so much to our society, and I really wanted people to see a side of him/her no one really knew about." TRANSLATION: A biopic? Give me that damn Oscar!
3. "The 3D technology is amazing. It really adds to the story without it feeling like a stunt, y'know? We always had the intention to shoot it in 3D." TRANSLATION: I've got a backend deal on this flick. Five percent of the box office, baby! You do the math.
5. "My agent sent the script, and I could not put it down!" TRANSLATION: My agent hounded me for a month while I was holed up drunk in a hotel suite with my supermodel girlfriend down in Cabo.
6. "I did it, frankly, because it scared me, and I love a good challenge." TRANSLATION: I'll do anything to get me out of this pigeon-holed mess I've gotten myself into.
7. "I've always been a sucker for romantic comedies." TRANSLATION: Have you seen my co-star? I've been plotting to tap that ass ever since he/she went full frontal in that arthouse flick two years ago.
8. "My friend [insert famous actor] called me up and told me he was doing it, so I was like, sure why not?" TRANSLATION: Bitches, I got so much clout in Hollywood, I can make a movie about the invention of the Q-Tip, and it'll be number one at the box office!
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